Three Tales of Teen Pregnancy 

When we first became teenagers, my three best friends and I never believed that we would get pregnant in the near future. Even though there were a lot of young mothers in my neighborhood, we thought that it wouldn’t happen to us because we were too smart. 

But just for a good laugh we made bets on who would be the first to have a baby: Rayna, the tomboy, who beat up the boys who liked her; Gloria, the level-headed teacher’s pet; Alexis, who loved kids so much she babysat for free; or me. They voted me to get pregnant first, because I was the most boy-crazy. 

A few years have passed, and while I’ve been careful not to get pregnant, Rayna, Gloria, and Alexis all did. Here are their stories: 

When Rayna was 15, she told me she was pregnant. I thought it was a joke until I saw the tears in her eyes. 

Rayna was dating Nate, an older guy with a bad-boy reputation. Before we knew it, Rayna lost her virginity to Nate. They had unprotected sex, even though Rayna knew she could get pregnant. 

“I wasn’t thinking about what would happen, only what was happening at the moment,” she said. But after she found out she was pregnant, “reality kicked in,” she said. “I thought ‘What are we gonna do?’” 

Rayna was scared to tell her mom. She thought her mom would be so upset and disappointed that she’d kick her out of the house. When she told Nate, he asked if he was the father, even though she had told him he was the only guy she’d ever had sex with. I guess that was his way of trying to get out of the situation. 

After that, Nate didn’t come see her or call her. When Rayna called his house, his mom said he wasn’t home. When Rayna went to his hangouts, he wasn’t there either. She felt used and alone. 

Rayna knew she wasn’t ready for the responsibility of being a mother. If she wasn’t responsible enough to protect herself, then she definitely couldn’t handle being responsible for someone else’s life. Rayna hunted Nate down to ask for money to get an abortion. She didn’t want to tell her mom, who was against abortion. When she found him, he gave her $400 for the procedure, but he didn’t offer to come with her. 

I went with her to the clinic. I tried to tell her everything would be OK, but I knew she wished it was her boyfriend telling her that. She told me, “I was thinking to myself, ‘Will I regret this?’” But she went through with it. 

When I told Nate that Rayna had gotten the abortion, he decided to call her again. Eventually, Rayna got back with him even though he had ditched her when she needed him the most. When Rayna asked him why he avoided her when she was pregnant, he said he was scared. 

Rayna said she took Nate back because he loved her. When I told her that I thought Nate was no good, she stopped talking to me for three months. 

Later, when I asked her how she felt about having an abortion, she said it was the right choice. “I don’t think I would be in college, be able to party, or be living with my mother if I’d had the baby,” she said. Getting pregnant, Rayna said, “taught me a lesson.” 

In the middle of high school, Gloria—the level-headed one in our group—started thinking about having a baby and moving out of her mom’s house. She thought her mom was too strict. At 16, she decided to move in with her older boyfriend, who had his own apartment. 

After a couple of months, his true colors came out. He expected her to clean, cook, and give him money for bills while she was working part-time and going to high school. Gloria realized that the relationship between them wouldn’t work and returned to her mother. By then, however, she was 17 and pregnant. She didn’t want a baby, but it was too late. 

Her mother told her she would support her whether or not she had the baby. Gloria didn’t believe in abortion, so, earlier this year, she gave birth to a girl. With her mother’s help, Gloria finished high school and is looking into colleges. Although she says she wouldn’t give up her baby for anything, she has some regrets. 

“At first, I didn’t want to have her,” she said. “I can’t imagine life without her, but I still wish I would’ve waited. I can’t do things I used to do, like take a bubble bath or take a nap. I can’t relax because I know that once I do, the baby is gonna start crying,” she said. “People I called my friends don’t come see me anymore ‘cause [when I’m out] I’m always calling my house to see if the baby is OK. I think they see me now as an old person.” She added, “I’m grateful my mother is helping me. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” 

Rayna and Gloria both had rough times dealing with their pregnancies, but Alexis’s story is the most dramatic. 

Alexis fell in love with a boy named Stephon when she was 14 and he was 15. Alexis moved down South with her mom, and decided to have a long distance relationship with Stephon. A year later, Alexis moved back to New York to be with him. 

When Alexis came back, she was devastated to discover that the guy she loved had been seeing someone else—and the other girl was pregnant. Stephon told Alexis that it was over; he didn’t want to be with her because he was engaged and about to be a father. But Alexis wanted to be with Stephon so badly that she had sex with him. She got pregnant. 

She had wanted to trap him; to have his baby so they’d always be connected. When Alexis told her father, he made her get an abortion. Stephon knew about it, but never came around. And soon, we heard that the other girl’s baby wasn’t even Stephon’s. 

At 17, Alexis got pregnant by Stephon again, still hoping to trap him. Her father decided that he couldn’t make her get another abortion, so he helped her get an apartment. He asked Stephon to live with Alexis. He didn’t want his daughter to walk around with a baby and no partner. Stephon agreed to move in with Alexis. What did he have to lose? He had been living with his mother and sharing a room with two sisters. Alexis’s father was paying the rent, so Stephon would be living for free. 

Alexis dropped out of school to spend all her time with Stephon. Stephon dropped out as well. (He was never really into school to begin with.) Neither of them was working. 

As I mentioned, Alexis loved kids to the point that she babysat for free. But she told me that after being with her own baby for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, she lacked the patience that she once had. Alexis hadn’t wanted to have any more kids after her first, but she got pregnant again. And again after that. She said she didn’t want to take birth control pills every day. She didn’t have information on other forms of birth control and Stephon didn’t like to use condoms. 

Stephon helped out with the first baby. But when the second baby came, he left all the parenting to Alexis. By the time the third baby was born, Stephon had checked out for good. He worked for about six months, but when he saw all his money going to diapers, formula, and bills, while his friends bought jewelry and new clothes, he quit. Alexis’s father got tired of supporting Stephon and the babies so he sent Alexis back South to her mom. 

When I asked her how it feels to have three babies at the age of 20, Alexis said, “It’s hard. Sometimes I just wanna leave everything behind.” 

One time, said Alexis, “I left the girls [with my mother] for a couple of days to go party.” She didn’t tell her mother where she would be or how long she would be gone. 

“When I went home, my clothes were in bags in front of the door,” she said. “When I knocked on the door, my mom sent the girls out,” Alexis said. “She was crying and told me we had to leave.” Her mother kicked her out. 

Now, Alexis lives in the projects down South and is receiving public assistance. Since the girls occupy most of her time, she never finished school. I asked her what she saw herself doing in five years. “I can’t have any goals but to be a good mother,” she said. 

Obviously, my friends’ lives have been shaped by their pregnancies. After going through an abortion, Rayna doesn’t take the risk of pregnancy lightly. Sometimes she wonders what it would have been like if she had kept the baby and often feels guilty about her decision when she reads anti-abortion ads. Then there’s Gloria, whose baby takes up much of her time, but she is still focused on her education due partially to her mother’s support. Last is Alexis, who now has no education, no support, and three daughters. 

My friends’ choices have also shaped who I am today. I know that having a boyfriend doesn’t necessarily mean having a baby. But at this point in my life, I avoid getting into a committed relationship because I’m afraid that what happened to my friends might happen to me. 

If I got pregnant, I know that I would hate to make a choice between having a baby and an abortion. But faced with a decision like that, I think I would make the same choice Rayna did and have an abortion. Like Gloria’s mom, I think that my mother would help me out if I got pregnant. But I wouldn’t want to do that to my mother because my kids should be my responsibility, not hers. And as for how I relate to Alexis’s situation, I just can’t see having two or three kids. 

To be honest, my mother has scared me into not wanting kids, telling me that having a baby now would ruin my life. I don’t want to be responsible for someone else. I want to travel the world and that can’t happen with a baby. But the biggest reason I don’t want to have kids is because my mother told me that everything I put her through, my own children will put me through. And God knows, I’ve put my mother through a lot. 

I want to be the kind of parent my mother was to me. Even though we never had much money and had our problems with each other, we never lacked love or friendship. If I have a baby, I want to be sure that both my partner and I are ready to be parents. I would like to provide a stable home. I don’t want to be living from paycheck to paycheck. I want my child to have the best—financial security and a prepared, loving family.