FCYU-Feature Story

Scraping By
Working 'til I dropped paid off.

By Mary Hanson Podrazik

About 20 years ago, I was a good-looking, small-figured 15-year-old young lady with freckles and brown hair. I was as naïve as the next person, seeking love to fill the gaping hole in my heart, and trying to get control over my life and find some direction.

I'd been in foster care since I was 3, and after moving from family to family, I was living in a group home that I hated. So when my caseworker offered to let me sign myself out of foster care and fly to Houston, Texas, to live with an aunt I'd never met, I agreed.

Alone in the World

I was desperate to get out of foster care. I wanted to make my own choices, and to have no one to blame for my decisions but myself. But I never felt so alone as the day when my social worker took me to the
airport and put me on a plane to Texas to live with my aunt.

My aunt was high and argumentative when she picked me up at the airport. She looked as if she hadn't taken a shower. She stood in the baggage claim, smoking a cigarette. As soon as I got in her beat up silver Chevy Impala, my aunt lit a joint and handed it to me, trying to break the ice. I didn't know what else to do but take a hit and pass it back. I decided I should try to fit in until I figured out what else to do.

I thought my aunt would take care of me, or at least act like she cared a little, but she and my cousin ridiculed and humiliated me. Once my aunt tried to trade me for a grocery store Christmas tree. I had to sleep on a mattress on the floor of the living room, with no privacy. Even though New York state paid her a token amount to care for me, I was expected to pay for my own clothes, food, medical care and transportation.

I still remember my aunt getting angry because I drank all the milk. "Sh-t, who drank the milk? Goddamnit, why do I have to buy all the groceries?" I felt so pitiful and helpless I wanted to cry. I felt alone in the world, stuck in a large city where I did not know my way around.

Getting Back to Me

It was a good thing I had saved money while I was working in New York state. The first thing I did was open a savings account and deposit the money. The next thing I did was panic. I had no job, no love, no friends, and no way to get back to New York. For the rest of the summer, I just tried to fit in, smoking pot and drinking even though I didn't want to. More than anything, I wanted to get away from my aunt and cousin and find a way to live on my own.

I knew that my life didn't have to be like this. For eight years I had lived with a stable foster family who showed me some basics about what a "normal" routine or family life could be like. My foster dad's government job gave him stability and a predictable dinnertime every evening. We dressed up to go out and dressed up for church on Sunday.

We were taught that lying was wrong, that you must groom yourself and be clean, have manners and be disciplined. They gave me some core values that, as I got to be an adult, stayed with me and guided me toward getting what I wanted out of life.

Proving Everyone Wrong

I knew it would not be easy to get out of my aunt's house and make it on my own. But I decided that I would do anything to survive. I'd have to find a boyfriend in Texas so I wouldn't be lonely, get a job that could support me, buy a car and graduate from high school.

Before age 15, I never had a choice about where to live or a say in any decisions that affected my life. Living with my aunt, I realized I did have the power to make my own choices. I was also driven to succeed by an internal rage that had built up over years of being put down by foster families and caseworkers who told me I'd never be more than a foster child. I wanted to prove everybody wrong.

When school started, my aunt put me in the work program instead of the college track. It was definitely not what I envisioned for myself. I attended school from 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. and went to work from noon to 9 p.m. I took no college prep courses, but I learned that I wanted more for myself than the low-paying, dead-end jobs everyone seemed to think I was suited for.

Fired From My First Job

I took my first job at Godfather's Pizza, but my aunt called and said, "Hey Murnie, I'm coming by to get a large supreme pizza in half an hour." That was her way of saying I owed her for letting me stay with her. I didn't know what to do. So I gave her the pizza-and the manager fired me.

In desperation, I applied for a job at Fayva Shoes and was hired. Most of my paychecks went to saving for a car, taxi rides to and from work, and the five dollars a day I had budgeted for food. I lost 13 pounds in one year because I could not afford to eat and was upset and anxious.

Hard Choices

The next year, I knew I didn't want to be in retail, so I switched to the school's office work program, which I found more challenging and rewarding. I needed to learn how to type, so I went to my aunt's job late at night and practiced typing for hours.

I also started dating a guy named Kyle because I needed love and a companion, someone to talk to who understood me and cared about me. My boyfriend basically took over the parenting role and he also took me to and from work. He helped me and we fell in love, but he hurt me, too. When he drank, his personality changed and he'd verbally abuse me, never apologizing. I would cry and think about my foster care experiences. I couldn't cope with how hysterical I felt after those episodes.

When I was 18, he asked me to marry him and I said no. I wanted to be loved, but I knew it was not a healthy relationship. I wanted to spread my wings and discover who I was. My choice not to marry a man I loved was one of the hardest choices I've ever made in my life.

I graduated high school in the bottom five percent of my class, but I graduated. School was not paying me, so I skimmed by, never studying. I did not have the money or the grades to go to college so I decided to work a full-time job and a part-time job to try to get ahead.

Then my aunt started charging me $220 rent, so I moved into an apartment with a roommate. After two years of working and saving I was finally able to afford to start college. I signed up for an English class at the community college.

Far Behind in School

I was depressed when I started taking college classes because I needed remedial help. I never realized during high school that low grades, poor study habits and easy classes would haunt me. College was harder than I'd thought, but I didn't want to spend too much time studying, because then I'd have to work less, and I needed the money.

When I realized how far behind I was, I decided I would slowly bring my grade point average up by taking one class at a time. My grades came up to C's from D's, then to B's, and now I get A's. I learned to spend a lot of time studying, sacrificing some money I might make working in order to do well.

Through my high school work program, I'd been working as a file clerk and proofreader at Ace Appraisal, a real estate company. After two years, I was promoted to being the president's assistant. My goal was to continue school and become a real estate appraiser, which is someone who decides how much homes are worth. I had experience doing fieldwork and research and writing reports. But my boss said, "You don't have a college degree and I will not let you be an appraiser," although a degree was not a requirement.

So I quit Ace Appraisal and got a job as an assistant appraiser. After a couple of months I realized that company was unethical, so I quit that, too. Fortunately, I found a job as an appraiser. I finally had the job I wanted, but I'd failed to realize that the long hours of a professional job consume your time, making it impossible to concentrate in school. I constantly dropped college classes, but continued, on and off, because I was determined to finish.

In the late 1980s, the real estate market crashed and my problem was solved. Since I had little experience and little education, I was the first person to be laid off. When I lost my job, I took an easy 8 to 5 receptionist job because it was the only job I could get. I took a huge cut in pay and went back to school part time.

'Nothing Will Stop Me'

During all those years, I worked 70 hours in a week, volunteering when the boss needed someone to help out, and using every waking moment of my day constructively. I only stopped when I was too physically exhausted to go anymore.

I had no confidence, but I knew no one cared about me but me, so I told myself that nothing would stop me. I was always scared of the future; fear and anger were the sole emotions that drove me to success. All I had was perseverance. I figured that if I did everything physically possible, I was bound to succeed. I was too anxious and scared of failing to stop working.

Building the Life I Dreamed About

Eventually, I did succeed. I became a real estate appraiser, and I had a good career. Five years ago, I got married, and my husband and I have built the life that I once could only dream about.

In some ways, though, I am still playing catch up. At 36, I am a junior in college, working on a bachelor's degree in psychology at the University of Wyoming, where we recently moved from Houston.

But for right now, I'm more a mother than a student. We have two toddlers, and because my husband is a surgeon, I'm able to stay home with them and spend time taking them to dance lessons, to go skating and to the park. I give them the love and attention every child deserves but I never got myself.